If only wishing made it possible

Well, I wish I had good news to report.  I don't.  At our appointment today, we learned that the yolk sac had grown, but there was still no evidence of a fetal pole or embryo.   No one seemed optimistic.  

My OB and I both agreed that doing a D&C was pretty much out of the question considering what havoc it wreaked last time.  So we wait for the 'products of conception' to pass on their own.  She did give me some pills that I can take that will help to bring it on, but I said I would wait it out a few weeks and then, if nothing had happened on its own, would come in for one last ultrasound before choosing that option.  I'd hate to think we weren't 100% sure, even though it is highly unlikely that would be the case.  

I think the worst bit is that I still have and will have pregnancy symptoms until I actually miscarriage.  So, hunger, nausea, exhaustion, etc.  All of it will continue until we are through the miscarriage.  Seems pretty cruel to me.  

So summer begins and soon it will be a year since we started this whole starting a family thing.  For now, I feel defeated and exhausted.  Will take some time and hopefully get back in the game in a few months.  Just not sure I can take the ups and downs of all this.  As for this blog,  not sure I can continue to drag everyone through those ups and downs with us.  That, too, seems cruel.  

For now, I will rest, try and figure out what is next and hope that this journey we are on has a happy beginning somewhere down the road.